i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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