i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
