I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Mom said you looked used
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
