Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
