Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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