I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
