whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
