this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
