I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
