I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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