Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
