I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Small penises have feelings too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
