Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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