I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
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