how can u be prego again
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
