I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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