I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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