Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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