So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
