I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
