i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
