good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
