Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
