no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
