# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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