you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
