There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
