Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
