the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
