brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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