How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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