I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
