its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
