I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
