Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
