Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
