You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize