4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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