I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
