The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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