I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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