I cockslap morals
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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