Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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