I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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