We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
