wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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