Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
