no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
