Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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