never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
