The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
