Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
