i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
