I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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