Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize