dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
