I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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