Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
