I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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