if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
