You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
