: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and she was petting her beer can
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
