Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
