Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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