Pappa wants mamma naked
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
