I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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