new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
we're so committed to being not committed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
