it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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