that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
why is half of my head shaved?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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