Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
