didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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