Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
