I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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