mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
