Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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