Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize